Hold your eyes closed, take me in.

Severance package

2009-10-28T02:59:31Z

Every so often I think about it. It comes back to haunt me. Everything that happened there. I remember how miserable I was, and how badly I wanted to leave. If it weren't for the few real friends I had, I don't know if I would have made it.

But I did. And I carry the scars with me every day.

People I relied on, people I trusted, turned their backs on me when I needed them most.

Most people would have forgotten about it by now. Well I'm not most people.

But I'm not looking for revenge. In fact, I could really care less at this point.

But I'll never forget what happened up there. I can't, even when I want to.

Have a nice life, Fitchburg. And go fuck yourself.

Dawning

2009-09-16T13:14:35Z

It kind of just hit me how much I've changed in the past couple years.

End Result

2009-07-16T02:27:48Z

So I'm gone about a year and everyone just forgets about me. I should've figured. I guess it doesn't matter that I was always nice to them. That I cared about them.

It's not like I ever mattered. I just ended up annoying everyone anyway. But for fucks sake I didn't think I'd just drop off the face of the earth.

Shit happens. People react in different ways for different amounts of time. So I'm sorry I annoyed you by being who I am.

Not that any of it matters anymore. What I have here is much better than what I had up there. If any of you still care at all, please feel free to contact me. I'd be more than happy to hear from you. For the rest of you, go fuck yourselves.

Either way, maybe you've forgotten about me.

But I haven't forgotten about you.

foxerecho @ 2009-03-15T10:14:00

2009-03-15T14:14:36Z

God dammit, this is tempting.

Predator or Prey?

2008-12-24T19:47:40Z

So there's this website, myyearbook.com. It's basically like myspace, except it's designed as if to simulate a high school-like environment. You can give people gold stars and "high fives". You can secretly admire someone, and if they guess you as their secret admirer (out of 12 pictures total) then you make a "match." The more you interact with the site and it's users, the more "lunch money" you earn. Lunch money is currency that you can use to buy gifts for friends and bid on and "own" peoples pictures and profiles. Like any social utility site, it's users have created some unique lingo. For example, rtf means "return the favor." You might use this in a request for gold stars or high fives (If you give me one, I'll rtf).

Sounds like a clever and unique site, right? Well, it is. But myyearbook.com has a major drawback. There are almost NO security measures or countermeasures. Although the site may be geared toward high school students, I assure you most of it's users are NOT of high school age.

I have a myyearbook.com profile. At first I had started it for the same reason I started my myspace and facebook. But now I use it to track and observe certain comments and interactions. It started when I had become friends with a 16-year old girl from out of state. I looked at some of her pictures, only to be disgusted by some of the comments.

First of all, most of the comments were from men AND women who looked like they were in their late 30's AT THE YOUNGEST. Second, ALL the comments ranged from something as simple as "Damn girl, you're looking fine", to things such as "um, if you show me more, um, i'll send you some pics of me ;)."

Ever since I noticed this, I've logged into myyearbook once or twice a week and checked out as much as I could. I've come to the conclusion that the majority of the profiles on the site are one of two types. The first type is what I call a "bot." This is pretty much a fake profile. Someone (and it can be ANYONE) found pictures of an attractive girl somewhere online and put them up in the profile, making it look like it belongs to whoever is in the pictures. The second type of profile is simply one of a user who hunts for young girls and boys on sites like this (you don't see many of them on myspace and facebook due to their high security measures, but they're out there.) I won't go as far as calling them pedophiles, as I don't have enough evidence nor is it my call to make, but you get the idea.

I would not consider myyearbook to be a social networking site in the same sense as myspace or facebook. It's really nothing more than a place for older men and women to prey on (or feel like they're preying on) young, innocent kids.

So why do I care? Because I think it's disgusting and wrong in every way.

But why do I go the extra mile by tracking and observing, and then posting this entry to spread awareness? I'll tell you. Because I have a 4-year old sister. And if anyone were to prey on her, I would kill them without thinking twice. I want the world to be safer for her when she grows up. And although I highly doubt that will happen, it's not gonna stop me from trying.

The internet is a hard thing to safeguard, and predators take advantage of that. But they aren't going to go unnoticed.

Rain

2008-12-01T08:32:09Z

It rained all day today. It continued into the night. Normally, I try to get out of the rain as fast as I can. That was not the case tonight. When I got home, I stopped halfway to the door, looked up at the sky, shut my eyes, and let the rain hit me with all it had.

Why?

My parents raised me to believe in god. When I was very young, there were a lot of things I didn't understand, as is the case with any child. And like any devout christian, anything I couldn't explain I accredited to god. Rain was one of these things. Whenever it rained, god was crying because something sad had happened somewhere in the world.

As I got older, I learned the actual cause of water falling from the sky. But the basic concept still stuck. Whenever I had some form of conflict inside me, which was almost always the case, I could physically feel my vulnerability. Thus, whenever it rained, I would try to evade the cold, damp feeling it presented, as this just made everything worse. I wasn't so much afraid of getting wet as I was of the brutal combination of being cold both inside and out.

So why didn't I run from the rain tonight?

We can't erase the past, but we can conquer it. We can't stop the future, but we can acclimate to it. There will always be conflict. But each and every person can choose whether or not to let it control them.

The coldness inside me is gone because I chose to start living my life on my own terms.

I no longer fear the rain.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-26T10:50:00

2008-11-26T15:50:27Z

My life is running perfectly right now.

And I'll do anything to keep it that way.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-24T18:56:00

2008-11-24T23:59:24Z

This isn't funny anymore.

Leave the past in the past.

Let it go and get over it.

If you become a problem, you will be dealt with as such.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-24T18:43:00

2008-11-24T23:44:52Z

Maybe Cape Cod isn't so bad after all.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-19T00:07:00

2008-11-19T05:08:57Z

When the entire world leaves you hanging,

I'll be the one to pull you back up,

And carry you home.

<3

foxerecho @ 2008-11-15T16:20:00

2008-11-15T21:21:12Z

PLEASE let this one be real.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-09T17:34:00

2008-11-09T22:35:05Z

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-07T11:59:00

2008-11-07T16:59:59Z

Ain't it great to be alive.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-07T01:30:00

2008-11-07T06:31:49Z

I almost forgot how it felt to be completely and totally happy with life.

:)

foxerecho @ 2008-11-05T18:34:00

2008-11-05T23:34:57Z

Yeek-yeek woop-woop

foxerecho @ 2008-11-05T02:36:00

2008-11-05T07:36:43Z

I love when everything goes right.

foxerecho @ 2008-11-04T13:14:00

2008-11-04T18:15:25Z

It's nice to finally meet a nice girl who really appreciates me for who I am.

Turn around and f*ck yourself

2008-11-01T21:21:16Z

So I just got an Xbox 360 Elite, the best model Microsoft makes, and basically the best video game system in the world.

I went online to find some reviews and such. I happened to notice one comment against the 360 that kept showing up everywhere. Ready for this?

"You know why they call it the Xbox 360? Because you turn around 360 degrees and walk away from it."

It amazes me how stupid people are.

21

2008-10-29T23:10:05Z

So today was my 21st birthday. I didn't sleep last night. I woke up with what I believe is a sinus infection. I had an early class. Followed by another class. Then I worked from 1:30 to 6:00. Now I'm in class until 9:30. I'm so tired and sick I feel like collapsing.

But it's still my birthday. And I wouldn't trade a second of those 21 years for anything. :)

Undo

2008-10-06T03:33:22Z

What's done is done. The past has been buried and the memories will soon fade with it. I've done what I need to do. All that's left is to move on like it never happened.

Warpath

2008-09-20T02:10:49Z

Forget everything you know.

foxerecho @ 2008-09-09T15:33:00

2008-09-09T19:34:12Z

So I pretty much don't trust anyone anymore. Is that bad?

foxerecho @ 2008-09-06T13:08:00

2008-09-06T17:10:00Z

I'm standing here alone
The memories remain
The same familiar home
But nothing looks the same

And I'm standing here alone
Can't tell if I'm awake
Reality is gone
In a dream I can escape

Update (random thoughts)

2008-09-05T15:49:09Z

1. I sorta ran from the cops yesterday..and I got away. I don't know how to feel about it haha.

2. I've decided I'm going to start reading more.

3. Ever since Max got his Macbook Pro, we've been video-chatting almost everyday. This makes me feel more like an executive/secret agent.

4. I like being back at school, but like anything it has it's ups and downs. On the upside, I can live at home and work and make money. On the downside, I miss everyone in Fitchburg and just Fitchburg in general.

5. I've had my car for almost 2 months, but I still love it like I just got it.

6. I loooove summer, but I kinda can't wait for winter, because I also love snow.

7 (final). It's time for class. See ya.

Karma and Effect 2

2008-08-12T18:44:08Z

I hate it when people treat the foreign kids like they're inferior. They are people just like the rest of us. The only difference is their language and where they were born and raised.

It really bothers me when someone talks to them like they're stupid or something. Think about this: we only speak english, but they speak their native language AND enough english to function at a fast-paced job in America.

I can sort of see why other countries might hate us. American's are selfish and think they are superior to everyone else.

It's difficult living and working in a foreign country at this age, and having countless featherbrained tourists and grumpy, argumentative old people yell at you and talk to you like you're stupid doesn't make anything easier.

This is exactly why I try to be accommodating to these kids. I make friends with them, and talk to them as I would my American friends. I offer them rides home when I can. I ask them how they are doing. I learn some of their language and ask them about life in their country. I look out for them wherever I can. Basically, I treat them like human beings.

So the other night, I ran into Ali and Kairat, two kids from Kazakhstan. They told me they were leaving for home in a day or two. I told them it was nice meeting them and I hope they enjoyed America. Then Ali told me something that I'll never forget. In his broken but still decent english he told me this:

"We thought all Americans were assholes until we met you. Now we can tell people at home that there are good people here."

I didn't do anything except treat these kids as my equal. I think this says a lot about what can be done if we just stop living in our own little worlds and realize that there ARE other people on this planet.